I will Live

Based on a true story.

Oh man.
Those were some difficult times.
I was in a messy Airbnb unit, in a tiny city I did not like, in Silicon Valley, which I had enough of.
It was an early Monday morning.
I was looking at my calendar app.
First thing: Super important meeting.
I did not want to go to this meeting.
I really, really did not want to go to this meeting.
I cannot possibly convey to you how much I did not want to go to this meeting.
In fact, my desire to avoid this meeting was so gargantuan, that even merely existing carried too much of a risk of ending up in this meeting.
You never know, anything could happen.
They could call me.
They could send someone over to check up on me.
There was only one way to be sure.
I was definitely going somewhere; either to this meeting, or nowhere.
After figuring out the logistics of either route, I mustered all the focus I could find in my silently screaming neurons to think through the pain.

This song is the story of a single moment in time, where I chose to live.

This song is not finished yet; this is the core of the song on piano. I need to record and mix vocals, perform a solo, add embellishments, and make the arrangement richer as it progresses. But I won’t get to those tasks before finishing some other projects. In the absence of a singing voice, you can follow along to the lyrics as you listen—it’s pretty straightforward. The melody is mostly one note per syllable in both Turkish and English.

Yaşayacağım


Uyandım, kahve yaptım
Hiç güzel olmadı
İşe de geç kaldım
Her günüm aynı bok

Gece üç, kapı çaldı
Panik atak gelmiş
Oturdu kalkmadı
Diziler seyrettik

Eskiden şarkı söylerdim ben
Söyleyemezdim de
Ama söylerdim
Dans ederdim sokaklarda

İçimden gelmiyor artık
Ama yine de
İnatla

Yaşayacağım

Seneler önce öldüm
Yüzüm nasıldı
Gözlerim ne renkti
Hatırlamıyorum

Yalnızım, arkadaşlar
Arayınca açmam
Gelirim der gitmem
Sonra da ağlarım

Hayatı ısıra ısıra
Suları akarak
Yer yutardım ben
Hınzırca bir sırıtışla

İçimden gelmiyor artık
Ama lan var ya
İnatla

Yaşayacağım
Yaşayacağım
Yaşayacağım

Güneye bastım arabayı
Rakı balık yaptım
Yanında kavun
İçime bir zeytin diktim

Bir daha nefes almayı
Unutursam
Namerdim

Yaşayacağım
Yaşayacağım
Yaşayacağım

I Will Live


I woke up and made coffee
It tasted like break fluid
I was late to work, too
The same shit everyday

3 AM, the doorbell rang
It’s a panic attack
He stayed ‘till the morning
We watched shows together

I used to sing on top of my lungs
And I can’t sing for shit
But I would still sing
I used to dance on crowded streets

I don’t feel like it anymore
But despite all that
Stubbornly

I will live

I died a long lime ago
How did my face look
What color were my eyes
I cannot remember

I’m lonely, my friends call me
But I never answer
If I say yes to plans
I always disappear

I used to eat life in luscious bites
Its juices running down
Staining my shirt
With a naughty smile on my face

I don’t feel like it anymore
But despite all that
Stubbornly

I will live
I will live
I will live

Drove to the Mediterranean
I had fish and raki
Melon on the side
Planted an olive tree inside

Damned if I ever forget to
Breathe again
Breathe again

I will live
I will live
I will live