Typewriter with a Thousand Ages

I had just put my feet up on the desk enjoying the lovely afternoon when Thompson rushed in. He said that if I typed fast enough on the typewriter we could cause a tear in the fabric of space-time and travel to the Age of Dinosaurs. Naturally I did not believe him. I told him he was talking nonsense, to be able to tear space-time we would have to type at speeds close to the speed of light, a typewriter was not suited for this, I could have believed maybe just a little if he was talking about a computer keyboard, but the only place we could go with a typewriter was an insane asylum, besides there was no such thing as an Age of Dinosaurs. He didn't listen to me. Jurassic period, Age of Dinosaurs, what's the difference, he said. Admit that you're excited, he said. I don't know if it would work with a keyboard but Delilah just left using a typewriter, he said. I don't know about you, but I'm going as well, don't come if you're not curious, he said. All this confused me. I must admit I was intrigued. For a moment I disregarded all logical weaknesses in the plan and was overcome with excitement at the chance of seeing dinosaurs. All right, you bastard, I said, let's go.

And I started to type as fast aas pssible on my lapytop. Ik wasn;t paying attentipon to what I was writing. I didn't correct my mistakedsa, Iasn't even looking at the keyhs or the screwen. Evwerythong had stpped andI wads pounding the keys lik there was no tomorrww. My figerss were dansing onteh kerys l;ike wokrer beessk. AS my speed incrwreasee I startewsd loosin g coimntrol. I csoudslldn;;t wevween asregdh s abnsdnakjls dlfkjsh ;fhfu ueia fasdjf. Mfy asdiuf iluhlkjs hkljsah teh sdfagkuy slkjdfh em asdkfjhikfasdjgfd. oHC myh fggoewrd sdaf agldaf TAfdsadofhsakıs.,auyefgeSSkdZs.f

I slwoed dwon as I snnezed beqacasue of the draft coming frpm thw open window. The words I typed started becoming meaningful again. As I was wiping my nose I realized with terror that the draft was not coming from the window. I was sitting on my office chair, with the laptop on my lap, in the middle of a vast savanna. I turned to look at Thompson, he was right next to me, he wasn't aware of the situation yet, his fingers were still galloping on his typewriter with his eyes closed tight. But what really worried me a little more was the image of an Allosaurus medius running at us with full speed from the background of this Thompson with Typewriter. I grabbed the arms of my chair and pushed myself back with my feet. As the Allosaurus medius swallowed Thompson in two and a half pieces, I was moving away like the wind, using my experiences from playing chair-train and jackass with others in the office corridors. The dinosaur, finished with Thompson much faster than I hoped for, started coming towards me. I could see it approaching since I was pushing myself back on the chair; the distance between us was disappearing quickly. There was a narrow cave entrance to my back, about 30 yards ahead, that was my last hope. I stepped on the gas with a stupid, desperate look on my face. In a minute I would be able to practically give the Allosaurus a dental examination, but the cave was also only a few yards away now. Just as I was starting to think that I could make it, one of the casters hit a stone and I fell down spectacularly, complete with a weird half-somersault. I jumped up immediately, grabbed the laptop that amazingly stayed on my lap during the fall, and started sprinting to the cave. It was impossible to reach in time, I knew I was going to die. Yet strangely, I didn't feel that expected bite on my shoulder. I threw myself into the safety of the cave, turned around and watched the dinosaur trying to eat the chair.

INSIDE I TOOK MY LAPTOP OUT OF STAND-BY AND STARTED HTTING THE KEYS LIKEE MAD, I TPYED FATSERR AND FASSTR UNTIL I CUOLDN'T SEE MY FINGERS BUT NOTHING HAPPENED. I HAD LEFT THE CAPS-LOCK ON. Unfortunately I didn't have time to turn it off and try again, the laptop's elderly battery died. I cursed fervently, thinking of all the times I procrastinated and played Minecraft instead of replacing it, and started to plan the future. I had two choices. Either I would hide here for days and starve to death, or I would learn to survive in the Age of Dinosaurs. I confidently made up my mind. I would not give up. I would prove that mankind is the supreme animal with this colossal brain. I would survive. Regrettably three days later I was eaten by a Velociraptor mongoliensis as I was looking for food and my quest to demonstrate the superiority of our species was hindered, much to my disappointment.